Please forgive our future mistakes

When most people come to Papua New Guinea for the first time, they come with some fears. Sometimes they are afraid of bugs or sickness. They are usually concerned about the mistakes that they will make as they learn to live in a new culture.

As we think about our return to the States in less than two months, we also have some fears that we will make some mistakes as we relearn how to live in American culture.

1. Driving – I’m not too concerned about the big mistake of driving on the wrong side of the road. As long as you keep the driver’s side toward the center line, you are usually okay. I know that we will, however, inadvertently go to the wrong side of the car. Thankfully that can look intentional if Amy is with me as if I was just trying to be a gentleman and open the door for her. It’s also easy to turn on the turn signal instead of wipers when it starts raining or to turn on the wipers when you want to turn. My strategy to minimize embarrassment is to flip on the windshield washer like I was about to clean them.
2. Speaking English – There are many things that we have learned to naturally express in Tok Pisin (the trade language of PNG). And then there are yes/no questions. It’s so hard to remember how to answer questions like, ‘You don’t want any?’ If I say ‘yes’ will I end up getting some or not?
3. Speaking American English – Not only do we need to be concerned about making sure we speak English but we need to be careful about not using the Australian words that have become such an integral part of our vocabulary over the years. When I go to the store and see the word ‘chips’ on my list, was I supposed to buy French fries (Aussie chips) or potato chips?
4. Dates – In PNG, the method for writing dates follows the Aussie/European system of day-month-year. This becomes confusing during the first twelve days of any month. If I see 3-2-2012 listed as the date this could be March 2^nd in the American system or February 3^rd in the PNG system. Of course I have to not only think about what the writer intended but need to be sure I am using the right date system myself. I am always thankful for the last half of any month as that automatically has only one way to be interpreted correctly.
5. Names – In our lives we come across so many people. It can be easy to remember someone’s name when you see them on a regular basis, but what if you haven’t seen them in more than three years? I’m already doing mental gymnastics trying to imagine people who I know I’ve forgotten their names in the hope that I might have a clue what to call them when I actually see them.
6. New Ways of Doing Things – People who stay back in their home country have it so easy. They have the luxury of getting used to innovative ways of shopping, banking, communicating, gas pumping … as they are more gradually introduced. But we have the joy of being thrown in the deep end and having to figure it all out at once. If you hear the alarm going off at the store, it’s probably just clueless me who hasn’t figured out yet how to properly disarm the sensor on my latest purchase.
7. Unmentionable Topics – In the three years that we have been away, the lives of our friends and family have not been placed on hold. Many good things have happened along with some things that everyone knows they aren’t supposed to bring up – well almost everyone because we are going to be clueless. Imagine going up to Uncle Bruce (I don’t really have an uncle named Bruce) and asking how Auntie Em (Uncle Bruce isn’t really married to Auntie Em because, not only does Bruce not exist, but neither does Em) and the kids (nor do they have any kids) are doing, only to have a kind family member gently lead me into the next room by yanking hard on my earlobe and telling me that Em took the kids and house trailer to Hawaii where she fell in love with a Ukulele-playing surfer.
8. Lost in Church – Here in PNG it is so nice. We never get lost in church. That’s because they almost always consist of just one room (maybe two if they have something special for Sunday School). But back in America we know we will be going to churches that have several levels and dozens of rooms (or more) with certain hallways having restricted access. I have already determined that it will probably be easiest for me to just go outside and walk around the building if I want to get to another area.
9. Missing Stores – When we were in America in 2008 we spent Thanksgiving in Ohio. I wanted to go to Radio Shack on Black Friday to get a TV that was on sale. I got up at 4 o’clock and drove to the mall. After freezing my tropic-loving toes off outside the mall, they eventually opened the outermost doors so we could be protected from the cold. Eventually they opened the inner doors and I sprinted to where Radio Shack was. The key word in that last sentence is the word ‘was’, because Radio Shack had long since moved to the other side of town. I sprinted back out to the car and drove as fast as I legally could (thankful for smooth roads) to the new location. I did end up getting the TV which I am not allowed to replace with a higher definition, bigger screen 3D TV because someone in the family doesn’t see the need to replace perfectly good TVs every few years.